"THE ONE"
One of the best pick-up lines I've ever heard goes something like this:
"So you know in the Garden of Eden when God made woman from Adam's rib?
Well, if that's true then you're one prime rib!"
As much as I enjoy cheesy pick-up lines, bless the poor guys who actually try to use them. But it is one of many crazy things that I have watched people use in their efforts to find and to catch "the one." As many of you know, I've been studying Genesis, and in chapter 24, Abraham sends his servant on a quest to find "the one" for his son Isaac. Here's some highlights about what God taught me regarding this endeavor - it totally was not what I expected.
God sovereignly provides for His people.
I do NOT mean that God will provide an husband or a wife for each person. For some, His plan involves a life of singleness, and while many of us pray that is not His plan for us, we must remember that this life is not our own. It belongs to Him, and it is His to do with as He wishes. Furthermore, His way is best. If it is His design for you to be single and you were to marry anyway, you would be engaging in a life that was not all that it could be because of your disobedience - and who knows how this would affect the lives and eternities of others. A life invested in the eternal is willing to die to personal desires and dreams for the sake of Christ and others.
So what does that statement involve? Journey with me in the quick study of 4 famous couples in Scripture.
1. Adam and Eve (Genesis 2) - God created Adam and set him about naming the animals and tending to the affairs of the Garden. God determined that "it is not good that the man should be alone" (2:18), put Adam into a deep sleep, and performed a surgery in order to create a "helpmeet" for him. This couple spawned the rest of humanity.
2. Isaac and Rebekah (Genesis 24) - Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his middle-aged (by our standards) son, Isaac. The servant traveled hundreds of miles east from Canaan to Paddan-Aran in order to locate this proverbial needle in a haystack. Abraham and the servant were both confident that God would provide. Upon arriving in Nahor, the servant prayed asking for God to show him the girl by causing her to supply not only him but his thirsty camels with water, and "before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah...came out with her water jar on her shoulder" (24:15). BEFORE the servant had finished his prayer, Rebekah showed up, which means that God was already answering his prayer before he had even prayed it. Not only that, but Rebekah went to the tremendous effort of demonstrating hospitality to this servant and his caravan. God's choice couldn't have been clearer if there were flashing billboards pointing at Rebekah! Not only that but Rebekah was willing to follow a perfect stranger to a land she'd never seen to marry a man whom she'd never met - this just demonstrates even further how God's hand was directing this entire relationship. After marrying, God gave them two sons, Jacob and Esau, and from Jacob's line came the nation of Israel - the nation through whom God would send His Son, thus, keeping His promise to Abraham that from Him all the nations of the world would be blessed (Gn. 12:3).
3. Ruth and Boaz (Ruth 1-4) - A married Jewish couple, Naomi and Elimelech, moves their family to Moab when Israel experiences a famine, and in the course of 10 years, Naomi was both a widow and childless. Without family, provisions, or land, she heads back to Israel with her Moabite daughter-in-law, Ruth. Ruth, a Moabitess, a Gentile. To Israelites, she was no better than a dog. What Israelite in his right mind would marry a Gentile, especially a Moabite after what transpired with the Moabite women in Numbers 25? Naomi and Ruth's future seemed grim indeed. But one day, Naomi "just happened" to send Ruth to glean fields for grain in order to appropriate for them some food, and Ruth "just happened" to glean in the fields of Boaz. Although Ruth had no clue who he was, Boaz, as a relative of Elimelech, had the ability to serve as a kinsman-redeemer and to provide for Elimelech's family.
The Lord serves in the background throughout this story, weaving circumstances so that Ruth and Boaz marry. Nothing in this story is happenstance - it is the providence of God. And at the conclusion of this book, we read a genealogy that tells us that the great-grandchild of this Moabite woman and faithful Israelite is none other than King David. And in the genealogy of Matthew 1, we see that it is through Ruth's line that the true King is born - Jesus, the one "who is called Christ" (Mt. 1:16).
4. Mary and Joseph (Matthew 1; Luke 1-2) - A young Jewish girl was engaged to Jewish carpenter, but before their wedding, Mary was found to be with child. Although an angel had appeared to her telling her that God would perform a miracle and, by the power of the Holy Spirit, would cause her to become pregnant without having sex, Joseph believed the worst and was prepared to quietly end the relationship until he had an angelic visitor of his own who authenticated Mary's story. God wanted this couple to be together because He had chosen them to be the earthly parents of His only Son - the One Who would be the Savior of the world.
So what does all of this have to do with locating "the one"?
In these four love stories, we see the sovereignty of God. We see how it is His providence that brought them together. He worked the events of history to bring these couples together, and it was for a specific purpose. It was not just so they could get married and procreate. God's purpose for their marriages involved the provision of His people. It was for the sake of others.
I do believe that God puts people together and that, for those who are to marry, there is one perfect person whom He has in mind for them. It is not happenstance or chemistry that causes people to end up together. It is God's handiwork, and it is for a bigger purpose.
Going back to the study of Isaac and Rebekah, Genesis 24 demonstrates God's providence in bringing the two together. He sovereignly selected the perfect spouse for Isaac - the wife who would be the best fit for fulfilling with Isaac God's plan of establishing His people. Together, they were used by God for this purpose.
Two people should not get married unless they serve God better together than they do apart because marriage, like everything else in life, is not about us but about God. This is the picture that we see in these four couples. Together, they were able to fulfill God's plan in a way that they could not have done as singles. And God used their marriages to provide for His people. God meant for their marriages to occur for the sake of others.
In Scripture, we see that God's plan involves marriage as a picture to the world of the relationship between Christ and His church. This is part of His purpose in bringing people together - to be His witnesses in this manner. Marriage serves a bigger purpose than just the joining two lives - it is a graphic picture to a lost world of the sacrifice and love of God, of the submission and service of His people, and of the intimate relationship that He seeks to have with us. Husbands and wives are supposed to demonstrate through their marriage what a relationship with God looks like.
In the Meantime
Before searching for or waiting on "the one," we need to understand why God brings people together in the first place. Now that this has been established, let's see what Scripture teaches about "the one."
1. We need to be faithful in what God has called us to today.
Each of those four couples was not spending their time pursuing a relationship. Rebekah was not on the prowl for a husband when she came to the well and offered water to a stranger. She was simply going about her daily tasks with faithfulness, and Genesis 24 depicts her as a woman of character. Adam was not sitting around lamenting the fact that he did not have a partner; he was faithfully doing the work that God had given him when God put him to sleep only to have him wake up married! Be faithful where God has put you with the task that He has given you. Plus, you aren't going to be worth having if you spend all your time and energy looking for "the one" instead of being the one whom God has called you to be.
Don't be consumed or stressed about finding "the one" - be focused on faithfully completing what God has for you today. Keep your eyes on the big picture, on the eternal rather than the temporal. "Set your mind on things above, not only earthly things" (Colossians 3:2). In the scope of things with all of the lost and needy and dying people in this world - is finding "the one" really what's most important? How often is the Lord's work your priority? Do you spend more time worrying about this issue than you do engaging in God's work? If so, that's an idol, and you need to follow Joey Gladstone's advice and "cut it out!"
Also, lead with your head - do not just blindly surge into a relationship and base it all on feelings because a relationship is more than just feelings. Knowing that God's design for marriage involves it serving as a witness to the world of the commitment, sacrifice, and intimate connection between God and His people - such a relationship cannot simply be sustained by feelings. Feelings will fade. A husband will not always feel like putting his wife's needs ahead of his own. A wife will not always feel like submitting to her husband. Love is a choice, and it involves great sacrifice. Therefore, tread prayerfully and thoughtfully from the get-go.
2. Trust God.
Our faith in God and our obedience to God are directly related. When we trust, we obey, and when we disobey, we are simply communicating our lack of faith in God.
Look at Abraham's statement of faith about the Lord's provision for his son: "The LORD, the God of heaven, who took me from my father's house and from the land of my kindred, and who spoke to me and swore to me, 'To your offspring I will give this land,' he will send his angel before you, and you shall take a wife for my son from there" (Genesis 24:7). From his past experiences, Abraham knew that the God Who had called him and Who had sustained him would continue to provide for him. God had never given Abraham any reason to doubt Him. And thousands of years later, God has never given us any reason to doubt Him. But you will not have this assurance if you do not know God and if you are not abiding in God.
Before the creation of the world, God already had a plan for your life. He has written your story, and He already knows who you are to marry - if you are to marry at all. And His plan is perfect because He is perfect. Furthermore, He will lead you - just stick to His script. As with Isaac and Rebekah, God knows the exact location of your needle in a haystack, and He will arrange events in order for that needle to become apparent at just the right time. "God's hand may be hidden, but his effective power is absolute" (R. Kent Hughes, Genesis: Beginning and Blessing).
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
3. Pursue God - not some guy or girl.
Until you are seeking God first, you will not be content in your relationships with people. You won't be happy with a boyfriend unless you're right with God. Only God can satisfy. Only He can give you true security and significance. Only in Him will you find contentment. Don't seek from others what only God can provide. Don't make a relationship your idol, your substitute for God. Trust me, a substitute is never as good as the real thing.
4. Wait on God
We don't need to try to make things happen with someone because, when we do this, it's not going to turn out good because we're not waiting on God's will to happen in His time. We might even be pursuing something that is outside of His will for us. Is getting "it" - is getting married or having someone worth the misery and the effects of disobeying God? Wait on God. His way is best. Trying to move ahead of Him or attempting to manipulate events to work the way we want simply communicates our lack of faith in God. Don't settle. Don't go for what would be easy. Do not seek what is ungodly or go after the wrong person (or even the right person at the wrong time). Wait on God - He will show you His way in His time.
5. Pray.
We specifically see this in the story of Isaac and Rebekah. The servant spends a good portion of the chapter communicating with God either through prayer or praise. He knew that God had a plan and that He needed God's help to recognize the girl God had for Isaac. And God answered his prayers. We also see that Isaac (while waiting for the servant to complete his mission) spent time in prayer and meditation (Genesis 24:63), and Scripture seems to indicate that this was not simply a one-time event for him. While we do not know what he was meditating on or praying for, the important thing to note was his involvement in this discipline. Follow the example of the servant and Isaac. Pray for the person God has for you. Pray for their walk with God. Pray for patience - that both of you will wait on God's timing and direction. Pray for yourself - that you will be faithful and diligent in what God has for you. Pray for wisdom.
6. The character of "the one."
More will be blogged about this in the days to come, but in the meantime, Abraham specifically commanded the servant not to choose a wife for his son from among the Canaanite women (Genesis 24:3-4). Basically, God's people only need to pursue and marry God's people. For what partnership has light with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14)?
7. Assess your motives.
Why are you so desirous of being in a relationship? Is it for selfish reasons? If so, you're not ready for a relationship. One of the commentaries I read while studying Isaac and Rebekah stated that "this marriage was essential to the work of God in the world. Perhaps the question that should be asked today by those who seek guidance in such matters of life is not whether God will lead a person to the right partner but of what value to God such a marriage would be. Prayer for guidance through such circumstances cannot come from a selfish motive; it must be for the will of God" (Allen Ross, Creation and Blessing).
Whether or not God has a spouse for you, live in obedience, faith, and prayer to God with the motivation of loving and serving the One Who is sovereign over all.
Let me leave you with these lyrics. They're from a song written by a music intern at our church specifically for the sermon series our pastor led on the book of Ruth (the song and the sermons are on iTunes if you want to check them out).
"I already wrote the end of the story.
You were made for me,
And I'll never leave you.
And in the end you will be happy.
And in the end you will be with me.
In the end, it's all for my glory."
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